Photograph by Bill Clark / Getty

FAIRFAX, VIRGINIA (The Borowitz Report)—Asserting that “heroic measures” were needed to save the National Rifle Association from financial catastrophe, the N.R.A.’s president, Oliver North, announced plans to sell arms to Iran.

“Iran needs weapons, and, Lord knows, we have a lot of weapons lying around,” North told reporters on Sunday. “This is the definition of a win-win.”

North said that he came up with the idea of selling arms to Iran because “the Iranians…

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