dating advice for men - The Big BTW

Getting to know somebody new, while exciting can also be super nerve-wrecking. Sometimes you can’t help but wonder if there’s a right way to approach a new love interest. Here is a quick and comprehensive guide to help you make all the right moves without tripping over your own feet.

  1. Compliment more than her looks

Some men often make the mistake of fixating too much on a women’s physical appearance as opposed to her interests. In a nervous attempt to sound interested, you may have found yourself complementing everything from her eyes to her teeth, with little to no response, except a nervous smile and a half-hearted “thank you.” According to a study by The Date Mix, you’re not alone. Out of 3,000 men sampled, 21% admitted to fixating on flirtatious banter, with a lower percentage allocated to family life, career, and current events. Whereas the study found that 37% of men take an interest in a woman’s hobbies, there is still a fine line between being sweet and observant… and superficial and obnoxious. Complement her on her sense of style, her values, and her outlook on the world. Look for things that resonate with you as a person to show her that you aren’t solely interested in her physical beauty.

2. Get off of your phone

Cell phones are a necessary evil, meaning it’s obvious you will be taking it with you on your upcoming date with Mrs. Right. But please…whatever you do, don’t use your phone more than you have to. Even if you find yourself at a loss for words, or nervously pulling at your collar, don’t take to your phone for refuge. Researchers at Psychology Today discovered that the mere presence of a cell phone disrupts conversation, encourages closed-off behavior, and impedes the development of a genuine friendship. Yes, just by having your cell phone conveniently sitting on the table. Stow away your phone, and keep it off or on silent. Showing her that she has your undivided attention—even if you start talking about the restaurant décor— builds trust and sincerity early on, which is key to a healthy and lasting relationship.

  1. Don’t shy away from who you are

In an effort to impress her, it may be tempting to appeal to what you think she might want or what she is ideally looking for in a partner. Although an interesting way of winning someone’s affection, faking a persona will not ensure more dates in the future. According to a recent study, “ Men and women who reported being more true to themselves behaved in more intimate and less destructive ways with their partner.” Meaning, if you don’t express your true interests, beliefs, goals, and moral values you are likely to encourage self-destructive behavior that may manifest in a lack of trust and true appreciation for your potential partner and vise-versa.

4. Leave the past where it belongs

As people, we learn a lot from our past mistakes, spouses, and overall failed relationships. It may seem reasonable to want to share our newfound knowledge in hopes of forging closer relationships. However, according to findings by E-Harmony—the nation’s leading online dating site— oversharing can have very costly consequences. Oversharing can indicate a person has yet to get over an ex, is experiencing unresolved past trauma, or may have general poor emotional judgement. Take a deep breath, and realize that the lessons you have learned while important, are only truly helpful for you. Instead, focus your conversations on what you would like to accomplish, do, or see in the future. Dialogue of new experiences and possibilities is a great way to clue your date in on what a lasting relationship will look like with you.

  1. Be truthful about your reality and circumstances

We are all guilty of telling little white lies here and there to make ourselves look or feel better, but in the context of dating, lying is something you should never do. Not even on the first date. (Bearing in mind what we learned in point number three.) Studies show that unmarried people lie 1 in every 3 interactions, both in major and minor ways, which is telling about the culture of lying and how often people tend to trivialize the act of being deceitful or duplicitous.

In a nutshell, the major reason why you should be honest about having kids, your age, or if you were recently fired—especially if you are asked—is because depending on the progression of your new relationship, your significant other will discover the truth.  Considering this, building trust after betrayal can be very emotionally consuming, difficult to address in a healthy manner, and sometimes futile depending on the extent of the betrayal. According to Good Therapy.org, the more truthful you are the better your relationship outcomes will be. Not only will you develop a lasting bond that is more able to recover from other relationship issues like financial difficulty—should you make it past the first date—but your wellness will also improve. A truthful relationship is also proven to provide relief from external depression, stress, and even lengthen your lifespan. Now who wouldn’t want to live longer with the woman of their dreams?

 

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Cheyenne Lee, a Bay Ridge Brooklyn native, started her career as a fashion writer for The PLüg Magazine in 2015. As a strong believer in the power and impact of words she has written for many publications, many of which were Premiere Magazines at Syracuse University. Besides being an avid reader, a lover of leafy greens, and kitty cats, she loves to learn about people and new places. Cheyenne has traveled to over a dozen countries, and hopes one day to visit more. Cheyenne is inspired by great food, awe-inspiring landscapes, and young people with a fellow entrepreneurial spirit.

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